The secret life of the Chinese Mistress

The Chinese Mistress 

In 'The Beijing Beauties' or Book 3 of 'The Beijing Family' book series, I tell the story of Chloe, a mistress to a Chinese billionaire and the ultimate decision she has to make of whether she wants to stay with her married boyfriend or leave him and start a whole new life on her own. She's approaching 30 and wants to start a family. She then flies to Los Angeles to confront him. Will she stay with him or leave him for good?

I've met quite a few mistresses to wealthy Chinese men in my real estate career. There seems to be many variations of an age old cultural tradition that dates back thousands of years and it's not just the Chinese. Some call them Xiao San or 'Little Third' which describes a woman who is a girlfriend or mistress to the married husband. Sometimes the wives know about these mistresses, just as many of their own successful fathers had paramours on the side besides their own mothers. It was part of the familial norm and they are used to it. Sometimes the wives have no knowledge about their devious husbands carrying on trysts behind their back. Discovery sometimes led to raging outbursts that make the news including death threats.

Then there is Ernai - 'Second Wife' where the mistress or second wife is welcomed into the inner circle of the married husband as a second wife, not by legal marriage. She is introduced to the wife and her kids and sometimes they all live in the same household and their children. If the second wife or maybe even third and fourth have children, they refer to each other as step-siblings.

I've heard both terms used interchangeably and the role of a mistress is often not as clear cut. Most likely, she is custom blended to fit the needs of herself, her boyfriend and the relationship. Although many might think they are young and beautiful females, that may not always be the case. I've seen them in all ages, genders including transgender varieties, shapes, sizes, social, economic backgrounds and even marital status. Some become mistresses for love, some for financial support or gain. Basically, they all mean one thing - an infidelity occurring in the marriage with a third party that is providing something of value to the relationship.

I’d like to consider the Chinese mistress as modern day concubines.  Thousands of years ago when Emperors ruled China, many of them believed that sleeping with many women gave them immortality. In their palaces, there were hundreds of concubines that dwelled along with the Emperor. The men that worked in the palaces were eunuchs to ensure purity in lineage. Sometimes poor rural families would offer their beautiful daughters as concubines to the palace which was deemed an honor.  Besides, it eased the pressure on the poor parents in having to feed one more person in the family, especially a girl when they prize a son.    

Imperial Concubines that lived in the palace

There was one concubine in particular that broke the barriers of being a concubine and rose to becoming the Dowager or Empress of China from her modest beginnings - Xixi. Giving the Emperor his only son, she used her power, intelligence, charm and natural leadership abilities to become the ruler of China during the Qing dynasty for 47 years.

Today, wealthy Chinese men collect mistresses as a status symbol, just as the emperors did before,  nothing has changed.

China's Mistress Village - Oprah Winfrey Network

When I was in grade school, I had a good friend who lived in a beautiful home in an affluent part of Los Angeles in the hillside.  Her father had a successful business in Taiwan where he spent most of his time. She lived with her mother and sister in Los Angeles where they both attended school. Later as I got older, I learned that her mother was originally her father’s mistress who was quite a home wrecker. They eventually married and through time, lived separate lives. I wouldn't be surprised if her father continued to have mistresses on the side aside from marrying one. 

In college, I had another good friend who came to our home for dinner. While my mother was making dinner, we chatted. In our friendly conversation, she divulged that she is the daughter of her father’s second wife. It was from her, I learned that some successful business men in Asia take on many wives besides the primary one that is legally bound to the marriage. She lives in their main house along with the children of her father’s first wife by legal marriage like step siblings. It was interesting. They all lived together in one big happy family.

In recent years, I helped many nouveau-riche Chinese arriving from overseas purchase real estate in Southern California as a real estate broker. Almost all of the more successful business men had mistresses on the side and often sought the company of prostitutes and occasional flings. I was also shocked to see how easily some of the women that worked at massage parlors or low level service ended businesses in the San Gabriel Valley offered themselves as consorts and evening companions in exchange for quick financial gains. San Gabriel Valley is an area in Los Angeles county heavily represented by Chinese from the mainland - mainly as immigrants and newcomers. Unlike the notion of earlier immigrants from China that were poor and migrant, the newest wave of immigrants from China in the last decade are the wealthiest from China. These women gave servitude to these men in exchange for material comforts that gave no assurance or promises of a future. Yet they didn't care, just as easily they didn't think twice about them being married. The men were overseas and away from the watchful eye of their wives. When the cat is away, the mice will play.

A few, however, made out better. They are smarter and more shrewd. More than the occasional flings as their less fortunate sisters, these calculated opportunists were kept as full time mistresses in beautiful homes surrounded by material comforts. In the city of Arcadia, there are ‘Mistress Villages’, where mistresses live in certain areas of the city that is well known to be teeming with new immigrants from China with new money. Sometimes these ambitious mistresses are homewreckers. They have the education, smarts and family background to conquer and divide themselves into the marriage as the new wife. Sometimes they are only in the affair for its benefits. Perhaps the wealthy Chinese billionaire can help her financially as she is from a poor family background. Or he can give her connections that she wouldn't acquire on her own or give her money to help her start her business.

It's been my experience that these calculated opportunists are quite savvy.  They received all the  financial perks of a wife with the freedom of a girlfriend while being single and free. They didn't have to contend with overbearing and controlling Chinese mother in laws, attend boring and obligatory family gatherings and deal with the cultural norms and expectations of a dutiful Chinese wife. Many received financial perks like a home, car and clothes that they wouldn't be able to acquire on their own. I'm not condoning what they do or praise their chosen path. Nor am I challenging the fundamentals of marriage from a political, religious or moral standpoint. I am simply making an observation. 

Arcadia, the Mistress City

In my job as a real estate broker, I’ve come across a good handful of a mistresses purchase homes  with their boyfriends' money or helping her wealthy boyfriend complete his home purchase while he is back in Asia. Sometimes these women are on the man’s payroll and are acting on his behalf as a secretary or assistant and they close escrow on his behalf.  Usually, she lives in a very nice home by herself, drives a nice car and most definitely adorns herself with the best that his money can buy. I have become friendly with a few of them through the years; enough to consider them acquaintances, which gave me material to write about a character like Chloe and develop her story.

Every year, hundreds of young women from the poor countryside of China flock into the major cities like Beijing or Shanghai looking for opportunities. Often they find themselves as mistresses to wealthy married men. Some are as young as 16 and date a married man in his 40's and 50's! Pretty disgusting. Isn't that illegal in the US? But it' a path they choose and this practice has been around for centuries and will be around for ever more. 

My Haunted Real Estate

Encountering haunted homes while working as a real estate broker is what inspired me to write The Beijing Ghosts, my third book for The Beijing Family book series.  I’m not a paranormal expert.  However, in my real estate career, I’ve encountered two types of hauntings – one is the classic paranormal kind such as strange and unexplained sightings, hearing sounds like voices and footsteps, feeling cold spots and picking up strange “vibes”. Then there is the alarming poltergeist variety where objects are moving and sometimes quite aggressively and violently in a room.  Some paranormal experts and critics don't believe in poltergeists and harshly debate its existence. I simply use the term categorically to reference hauntings involving moving objects.  Both cases are not only frightening but potentially hazardous and can sometimes be legally problematic as realtors. 

In the state of California where I’m licensed, realtors are legally obligated to disclose deaths that occur inside the home up to three years of the date you make the offer to purchase or rent a property under California Civil Code Section 1710.2.  If someone dies on the property, it's a material defect and can reduce the value of the home and it must be disclosed if it occurred within three years.  Technically, if the property was the location of a mass murder in 1975, the seller, lessor, agent or broker does not legally have to volunteer the information.  So the older the homes, the greater likelihood of unsettled spirits that remain unknown.  According to the National Association of Realtors, every real estate practitioner has had at least one paranormal encounter in their career.  In personal conversations with fellow colleagues, they've shared with me ghost stories ranging from the bizarre to downright frightening.  I've even heard strange unexplained events witnessed from contractors, developers and construction crews.  I’ve definitely had my share and it usually involves old homes and buildings.  Here are my real life experiences: 

1. HAUNTED STAIRWELL

My scariest experience as a realtor happened when I was hosting an open house in an old two-story estate in Hollywood Hills with a fellow realtor. Around 4 pm, we closed down. My colleague and I walked through the entire estate to make sure there were no straggling visitors.  The house was quiet and secured so we locked the doors.  I then proceeded to the kitchen and began cleaning.  Suddenly, I heard slow heavy footsteps up and down the wooden stairwell. Thinking it was my colleague, I thought maybe she was sweeping the stairwell and didn't think anything of it.  Yet I had  a tinge of doubt since she's thin and of medium height. The footsteps resembled the stride of a more tall and heavier set man.  I ignored it and continued tidying up the kitchen.  

After I was done cleaning, I walked towards the front of the house while the footsteps ascended up the stairs behind me.  I thought it was my colleague walking up the stairwell to check on the second floor.  So I continued walking towards the front of the house and happened to peer out the window and I was surprised to see my colleague standing outside rearranging her car.  She emptied out her entire trunk and car and was vacuuming where she had been all along.   From what I gather, there was no way she could have been walking up and down the stairs all that time.  So who was walking up and down the stairwell?  Suddenly, a chill overcame me and the hair on the back of my neck stood on end.   I couldn't believe it!  While I was cleaning the kitchen, someone or some thing other than my colleague was walking and up and down the stairs!  Unbelievable! I slowly turned to look and there was no one!  If I was clairvoyant or had super psychic abilities, I might have been able to see who was haunting the stairwell. 

2. OLD WOMAN

I was co-hosting an open house in a mansion that was built during the early 1900’s in a nice affluent neighborhood with old money.  Another realtor and I arrived an hour early to set up the home for open house.  We walked around the empty mansion and began turning on lights, opening the windows and preparing the place to welcome visitors.  Since I was on the first floor, I passed by a door and opened it.  It was dark and I saw stairs leading down towards a dimly lit room.  Suddenly, I felt a cold draft that whisked right by me and I got this very strange and fearful notion that stopped me dead cold in my feet.  My instincts told me not to go downstairs so I quickly closed the door and walked away.    

If I give you a dollar, would you go down there? 

A few hours later during the open house, one of our fellow realtor friends came by to take a look at the house.   She decided to look around the house by herself and leave us to the many potential buyers walking around the mansion.   No more than 20 minutes later, she came running down the stairwell with a shocked look on her face and ran out the front door without closing it behind her.  She got in her car quickly and drove off like a speed racer without saying goodbye to us.  It was peculiarly strange.  I looked at my colleague and joked, “Gosh, you think she saw a ghost or something” and we laughed and continued on with our work.   Unbeknownst to us, that’s exactly what happened!  On Monday afternoon, she contacted me to inform me that she had gone upstairs to peruse the bedrooms and saw an image of an old woman with white hair and long earrings.  However, she was completely see through like smoke.  This insanely scary apparition  approached her and told her to leave in a mean and scathing way.    

Our realtor friend didn't want to divulge of this secret while we were hosting the open house that weekend to distract us.  We later learned that the home was originally designed and owned by a wealthy old woman during the early 1900’s who had died in that home. Since her death, the home had underwent a succession of realtors to sell that home and each attempt had been unsuccessful.  Strangely, that home garnered plenty of visitors and potential buyers during our listing but it never sold and remains empty to this day.  

3. WINDOW POLTERGEIST 

Pine Avenue, downtown Long Beach, circa 1928

I once met an owner of an old commercial building on Pine Ave. in downtown Long Beach, California that has since been renovated for office spaces on the upper levels and retail stores and restaurants on the bottom two floors.  The old buildings along Pine Avenue were originally built in the early 1900’s and have undergone much gentrification in reshaping the neighborhood into an entertainment spot for popular bars and restaurants.  

Pine Avenue today, downtown Long Beach, CA 

We went to an empty banquet room on the second floor to discuss selling the building.  When I walked in, I noticed the room had at least 15 feet high ceilings with small rectangular shaped windows in hopper style lining the top to let in the cool ocean breeze.  Since there was no one using the room, all the hopper windows were closed and can only be opened by twisting and opening a latch.  

Hopper style windows 

Five minutes after we sat down and began discussing the process to sell the owner’s commercial building, one of the windows above us twisted itself open very abruptly and opened and slammed itself shut about four to five times violently.  As I looked up, it looked like an invisible force was opening and closing the window angrily.  The motion caused loud slamming sounds and it startled the both of us.  We both stared at the window in silence and bewilderment.  There was no strong wind that would cause the windows to suddenly open and close by itself.  It felt surreal and I thought I was watching a movie.  It was bizarre and we sat in shock and silence for a few seconds.   Stunned, the owner said, “And this building comes with a ghost" and chuckled to ease the tension.  I asked him, “Is your building haunted?” to which he didn’t reply.  I suddenly got this ill feeling that the ghost didn't want me there.  I’ve heard of ghosts scaring realtors to prevent a change in ownership and this one was falling into that category of the poltergeist kind.  If it can open and close windows on its own with that much force, I wondered what else it can do to me or moving objects.  I feared for my own physical safety.  It appears that this ghost became attached to this old building and was not letting go of it to maintain its keepsake.  As frightening as incidents like these can be, it’s better that I become aware of dangerous and sometimes pesky spirits upfront rather than after the listing agreement is signed when it requires legal maneuvering to get out of selling the property.  I never went back after that afternoon since I didn't know how far that ghost would have gone to make sure there are no new owners.  

Speaking of haunted bars and restaurants, I once visited the notoriously famous Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop and Bar in New Orleans.  It is reportedly one of the most haunted bars in America. 

Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop and Bar built during the late 1700's 

According to legend, buccaneer pirate Jean Lafitte used the bar to run his shady business.  Some say there is buried treasured in the ancient bricks.  

4. CASINO SALOON

A broker in Nevada once contacted me regarding an old casino saloon built in the late 1800's he had listed for sale. It was about 100+ miles north of Las Vegas. The old casino saloon had a long history of seedy gamblers, outlaws and people of ill repute who didn't want the watchful eye of the Las Vegas Strip.  Eventually, it was finally cleaned up by the Nevada gaming regulation years later.  I asked him to send me some photos and it appears that the casino saloon had retained most of its original design on the exterior and renovated most of the interior.  However, in practically every room, there were orbs floating everywhere.  Some paranormal experts suggest that the orbs are spirits. Maybe they were people who died unwillingly. 

Orbs over a cemetery in Indiana

Since these occurrences,  I’ve read some interesting books about why ghosts haunt homes out of curiosity.  I’ve since learned that many ghosts haunt due to unfinished business. Sometimes their lives ended abruptly and they feel that their lives were cut short.  Or maybe it was a dream or a passion never pursued, message never relayed when they were alive or fear of letting go of loved ones.  In turn, they become attached to a place, home and maybe even a person or object well after their earthly existence has perished. So I’ve learned from my encounters to live life fully and never put off tomorrow what you can do today.   Everyone is given 24 hours in a day and how you spend it is entirely up to you. Time spent on earth can never be replenished so embrace it!    

-Written by Gina Tang, author of The Beijing Family book series,  www.thebeijingfamily.blogspot.com 

*Photos used for this blog post are publicly available on Google.  Ownership belongs to their rightful owner and the author claims no credit.  Actual real estate were not used to protect the privacy and security of the owners.