The secret life of the Chinese Mistress

The Chinese Mistress 

In 'The Beijing Beauties' or Book 3 of 'The Beijing Family' book series, I tell the story of Chloe, a mistress to a Chinese billionaire and the ultimate decision she has to make of whether she wants to stay with her married boyfriend or leave him and start a whole new life on her own. She's approaching 30 and wants to start a family. She then flies to Los Angeles to confront him. Will she stay with him or leave him for good?

I've met quite a few mistresses to wealthy Chinese men in my real estate career. There seems to be many variations of an age old cultural tradition that dates back thousands of years and it's not just the Chinese. Some call them Xiao San or 'Little Third' which describes a woman who is a girlfriend or mistress to the married husband. Sometimes the wives know about these mistresses, just as many of their own successful fathers had paramours on the side besides their own mothers. It was part of the familial norm and they are used to it. Sometimes the wives have no knowledge about their devious husbands carrying on trysts behind their back. Discovery sometimes led to raging outbursts that make the news including death threats.

Then there is Ernai - 'Second Wife' where the mistress or second wife is welcomed into the inner circle of the married husband as a second wife, not by legal marriage. She is introduced to the wife and her kids and sometimes they all live in the same household and their children. If the second wife or maybe even third and fourth have children, they refer to each other as step-siblings.

I've heard both terms used interchangeably and the role of a mistress is often not as clear cut. Most likely, she is custom blended to fit the needs of herself, her boyfriend and the relationship. Although many might think they are young and beautiful females, that may not always be the case. I've seen them in all ages, genders including transgender varieties, shapes, sizes, social, economic backgrounds and even marital status. Some become mistresses for love, some for financial support or gain. Basically, they all mean one thing - an infidelity occurring in the marriage with a third party that is providing something of value to the relationship.

I’d like to consider the Chinese mistress as modern day concubines.  Thousands of years ago when Emperors ruled China, many of them believed that sleeping with many women gave them immortality. In their palaces, there were hundreds of concubines that dwelled along with the Emperor. The men that worked in the palaces were eunuchs to ensure purity in lineage. Sometimes poor rural families would offer their beautiful daughters as concubines to the palace which was deemed an honor.  Besides, it eased the pressure on the poor parents in having to feed one more person in the family, especially a girl when they prize a son.    

Imperial Concubines that lived in the palace

There was one concubine in particular that broke the barriers of being a concubine and rose to becoming the Dowager or Empress of China from her modest beginnings - Xixi. Giving the Emperor his only son, she used her power, intelligence, charm and natural leadership abilities to become the ruler of China during the Qing dynasty for 47 years.

Today, wealthy Chinese men collect mistresses as a status symbol, just as the emperors did before,  nothing has changed.

China's Mistress Village - Oprah Winfrey Network

When I was in grade school, I had a good friend who lived in a beautiful home in an affluent part of Los Angeles in the hillside.  Her father had a successful business in Taiwan where he spent most of his time. She lived with her mother and sister in Los Angeles where they both attended school. Later as I got older, I learned that her mother was originally her father’s mistress who was quite a home wrecker. They eventually married and through time, lived separate lives. I wouldn't be surprised if her father continued to have mistresses on the side aside from marrying one. 

In college, I had another good friend who came to our home for dinner. While my mother was making dinner, we chatted. In our friendly conversation, she divulged that she is the daughter of her father’s second wife. It was from her, I learned that some successful business men in Asia take on many wives besides the primary one that is legally bound to the marriage. She lives in their main house along with the children of her father’s first wife by legal marriage like step siblings. It was interesting. They all lived together in one big happy family.

In recent years, I helped many nouveau-riche Chinese arriving from overseas purchase real estate in Southern California as a real estate broker. Almost all of the more successful business men had mistresses on the side and often sought the company of prostitutes and occasional flings. I was also shocked to see how easily some of the women that worked at massage parlors or low level service ended businesses in the San Gabriel Valley offered themselves as consorts and evening companions in exchange for quick financial gains. San Gabriel Valley is an area in Los Angeles county heavily represented by Chinese from the mainland - mainly as immigrants and newcomers. Unlike the notion of earlier immigrants from China that were poor and migrant, the newest wave of immigrants from China in the last decade are the wealthiest from China. These women gave servitude to these men in exchange for material comforts that gave no assurance or promises of a future. Yet they didn't care, just as easily they didn't think twice about them being married. The men were overseas and away from the watchful eye of their wives. When the cat is away, the mice will play.

A few, however, made out better. They are smarter and more shrewd. More than the occasional flings as their less fortunate sisters, these calculated opportunists were kept as full time mistresses in beautiful homes surrounded by material comforts. In the city of Arcadia, there are ‘Mistress Villages’, where mistresses live in certain areas of the city that is well known to be teeming with new immigrants from China with new money. Sometimes these ambitious mistresses are homewreckers. They have the education, smarts and family background to conquer and divide themselves into the marriage as the new wife. Sometimes they are only in the affair for its benefits. Perhaps the wealthy Chinese billionaire can help her financially as she is from a poor family background. Or he can give her connections that she wouldn't acquire on her own or give her money to help her start her business.

It's been my experience that these calculated opportunists are quite savvy.  They received all the  financial perks of a wife with the freedom of a girlfriend while being single and free. They didn't have to contend with overbearing and controlling Chinese mother in laws, attend boring and obligatory family gatherings and deal with the cultural norms and expectations of a dutiful Chinese wife. Many received financial perks like a home, car and clothes that they wouldn't be able to acquire on their own. I'm not condoning what they do or praise their chosen path. Nor am I challenging the fundamentals of marriage from a political, religious or moral standpoint. I am simply making an observation. 

Arcadia, the Mistress City

In my job as a real estate broker, I’ve come across a good handful of a mistresses purchase homes  with their boyfriends' money or helping her wealthy boyfriend complete his home purchase while he is back in Asia. Sometimes these women are on the man’s payroll and are acting on his behalf as a secretary or assistant and they close escrow on his behalf.  Usually, she lives in a very nice home by herself, drives a nice car and most definitely adorns herself with the best that his money can buy. I have become friendly with a few of them through the years; enough to consider them acquaintances, which gave me material to write about a character like Chloe and develop her story.

Every year, hundreds of young women from the poor countryside of China flock into the major cities like Beijing or Shanghai looking for opportunities. Often they find themselves as mistresses to wealthy married men. Some are as young as 16 and date a married man in his 40's and 50's! Pretty disgusting. Isn't that illegal in the US? But it' a path they choose and this practice has been around for centuries and will be around for ever more. 

Does China have an Immense Generation Gap?

China and its immense generation gap

The Industrial Revolution spanned over 100 years in the United States. In China, it took place in less than 40 years. So for Americans, it's like having your grandparents as your parents. That's how fast China has changed. In 'The Beijing Youths', I delve into the generation gap occurring between Simon Wang and his son Greg and the conflict that carries throughout the book. 

In the 1960's and 70's, China was gripped in the Cultural Revolution or its Dark Ages. The country was ruled by Chairman Mao Tse Tung. He was a ruthless dictator that strived to eradicate the class inequalities of generations before and crush any signs of capitalism or the bourgeois class. In its place, he instituted socialism with "Chinese Characters" where citizens were required to be indoctrinated in widespread communal rural living. He hoped to level the playing field for everyone by having them work in the country fields but the system failed. He even developed 'The Little Red Book' where he cites his own quotes for civilians to recant. If one was caught not memorizing his ideologies or having the book handy, they were punished. He cut off China from the rest of the world by controlling the media, censoring mail and correspondence with the outside world and making its citizens prisoners of their own country.

Chairman Mao's 'Little Red Book' 

In the process were years of poverty, blood shed, brutality and violence from the Red Guards that wielded their ruthless power onto the people and famine that killed over 60 million people. An ideaology to purify their generation from the capitalist and money grubbing greedy past failed and massacred many. At the end, many believed that the Cultural Revolution was a social movement that benefited a few in Beijing including Mao at the cost of millions throughout the country. After ten years of bloodshed, Mao and his co-conspirators also known as the 'Gang of Four' that included his last wife were outsted in a publicly humiliating court trial where they were thrown in jail. The people suffered enough.  

Chairman Mao Tse Tung 

China's Cultural Revolution or the Dark Ages

Quoting the Little Red Book 

Allegiance to Mao and his Little Red Book 

Burning of precious artifacts that often included books, jewelry and anything of personal wealth

Public humiliation of anyone accused of being a capitalist, an entrepreneur, an artist, a teacher or anyone that went against the Mao regime or classified as dissidents. Punishments would sometimes mean brutal beatings, cutting off of body parts, being buried alive or thrown in labor camps, working in freezing temperatures with no clothes on.

I've heard so many stories from friends, family and clients of the ravages of the Cultural Revolution during that time.

From their stories, I notice the distinct vast generation gap between the parents and their children today. China remains a communist country but it is brimming with modernism in every facet of  an urban metroplis that was achieved at lightning speed and surpasses many sophisticated cities around the world today. China is a very different country today than what many perceive. 

Parents in their 40-60's remember vividly the Cultural Revolution since many of them were children when it occurred. Yet, they thrived beyond the rubbles of poverty and dispair through sheer hard work and tenacity and rose to success. The industrial elite we see today are actually first generational   wealth and that is quite commendable. Like Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba and Wang Jialin, founder of Dalian Wanda Group. They spent their youth in the Cultural Revolution and had very humble beginnings. They didn't have wealthy parents like many of our CEO's or billionaires where the wealth was passed on.

Jack Ma and his brother and sister during the Cultural Revolution

Wang Jianlin in the far right, joined the Red Army during the Cultural Revolution

Their education level might be sketchy since Chairman Mao shut down the school system so he can institute his ideologies. Healthcare was meager and scarce so many are shorter, have stained teeth, have leathery skin, lesions, scars and other setbacks from not having access to healthcare during that time. Their hands bear scars from toiling away in the fields. Many drank dirty water and consumed unsanitary food which affected their health. 

China today has plenty of access to healthcare, food supply, education and advanced infrastructure system. Therefore, the children today are taller and healthier looking. Their skin is lighter and supple, head full of hair. They can eat anything they want as there are culinary delights from worldwide in every corner. China is also the largest recipient of every technological innovation in the world. So the children have the latest gadgets and technology when just a generation before, their parents were watching a black and white TV that was shared with several people in their village. These privileged children do not have any idea about what their parents went through, other than what they read about in books about the Cultural Revolution. Being the children of one child policies, they also received all the privileges and luxuries as the only child. They are the new China.

China's Hipsters

This is the generation gap that is showcased in 'The Beijing Youths'.  I illustrate the vast difference between Simon as a young boy and his son at about the same age. Will they be able to bridge that gap or will it tear the family apart?

Wierd Chinese Eats or Nutritional Medicine?

The world eats a wide variety of food and sometimes they are strange to someone in the world. The Chinese definitely have their share!  When you have over 5,000 years in history, one can only imagine the variety of things the Chinese picked up along the way that are considered edible or delicacies.  Even more so when the country has seen its episodic moments of famine in history and relied on non-traditional sources for protein and nutrients in order to survive.  Sometimes a trip into a Chinese supermarket or even a traditional medicine store in the "Asian" parts of town is like watching an episode of "Fear Factor".  

In The Beijing Family book series, Grandma Moh unleashes some pretty wild Chinese fare including her practice of traditional Chinese medicine that can be sometimes shocking.  In The Beijing Youths or Book 2 of The Beijing Family book series,  Grandma Moh makes lunch for her grandson, Greg and his American friends. His friend unknowingly thought they were about to experience the common everyday beef and broccoli and orange chicken dishes at their local Chinese eateries. Oh no! Little do they know, they are about to be treated to some of the most bizarre and outlandish Chinese food! Greg and his American friends were thirsty, so they go to the fridge to find drinks. They were looking for bottled water, sodas and ice tea and instead, they find strange Chinese beverages. Some say that these wierd drinks derived from fruits and vegetables and not laden with sugar like Western soft drinks. But sometimes, maybe a good Sprite may be more appetizing. You be the judge!

Here are a few of the examples:  

1. Grass Jelly Drink

Grass Jelly Drink

What the heck is a grass jelly drink?  Grass like in the green stuff that grows on lawns? And now it's in jelly form for a drink? Oh hell NO! Is this what the Chinese do to leftover cut grass? Actually grass jelly is made from boiling aged and slightly oxidized grass, but it's the stalks and leaves of Mesona Chinesis, a member of the mint family.  After cooling the liquid to a jelly-like black consistency, this jelly can be cut into cubes or other forms and mixed with sugar or syrup to make drinks or dessert.  I've had grass jelly many times, especially in my boba drinks, usually enjoyed as sweet beverages or dessert.  

Grass Jelly mixed with fruits

Grass Jelly in almond or coconut milk and syrup or sugar

2. Chrysanthemum tea drink 

Chrysanthemum tea drink 

One of Greg's American friends is shocked to see flower petals in a beverage!  He couldn't even pronounce it.  He asks, "What's a Chrys....an....whatever?" 

The Chinese medicinal practice includes the use of chrysanthemums as a major part of the treatment. The Chinese knew that a soothing cup of warm golden brown Chrysanthemum tea has remarkable health benefits with high potency. Chrysanthemum tea has high amount of B carotene which are present in the yellow part of the fruit. The B carotene is converted in Vitamin A in the liver. This kind of Vitamin A is helpful in treating skin problems and increasing the immunity power. It also helps in postponing the aging process and age related blindness. Drinking Chrysanthemum tea helps in providing relief in sore throat, redness in the eyes, itchiness in the eyes, dryness in the eyes and dark spots in the eye area. It makes the lungs strong and helps in providing relief in respiratory problems such as shortness of breath. Chrysanthemum tea is good for the detoxification of the liver and for lowering cholesterol levels. 

3. Birds Nest Drink 

Birds Nest Drink 

Greg and his friends then wander upon birds' nest drinks. One of Greg's American friends, Tevin, asks, 'Is there a bird in here?' Then he shakes the can anticipating a chirping sound. Yes, this drink is made from a nest from the swiftlet bird. Edible birds' nests are among the most expensive animal products consumed by humans, with an average nest selling for $2,500 per kilogram for end consumers in Asia. The nests have been used in Chinese cooking for over 400 years, most often as bird's nest soup. The white nests and the red nests are supposedly rich in nutrients, which are traditionally believed to provide health benefits, such as aiding digestion, raising libido, improving the voice, alleviating asthma, improving focus, and an overall benefit to the immune system. One interesting ingredient is that the swiftlet's bird nest is cemented by the usage of saliva from the swiflet bird. So this drink and the soup commonly served in Chinese restaurants have swiftlet's saliva. 

This is what the drink looks like mixed with white fungus which is a commonly used thickening agent: 

4. Bird's Nest Soup

Birds Nest Soup 

Bird's Nest Soup is a gelatinous mix of chicken broth and swiftlet's, which is a type of bird and its saliva. Yes you heard me right. You are eating bird saliva! Swiftlets make their nests from saliva and each year, after the bird has left the nest, it's harvested and added to the soup, which is famed for its health benefits. This Chinese delicacy contains one of the most expensive animal products that humans consume. A kilogram of nests can cost anywhere from $2,000 to $10,000 USD> The swiftlet's nest is considered to have considerable health benefits, which justify the steep price of the soup ($30 to $100) and the nests themselves. 

5. Traditional Herbal Medicine 

In Book 1 or The Beijing Family,  Grandma Moh makes traditional Chinese medicinal tea for Kara Chan.  She thought she was drinking roots and herbs. Unbeknownst to her, she is drinking tea made of ox penis!  

Ox penis sold in a local street market 

In traditional Chinese medicine, ox penis is believed to increase one's virility, energy and sexual prowess

6. Chicken Feet 

I often see chicken feet at dim sum restaurants. Every time, I just simply cringe. I just don't think feet of any animal should be considered edible considering that they are used for walking on the ground, brimming with bacteria and germs. All I can think about is the trash that I would be eating along with the feet that touched them. My father loves chicken feet despite contending with them being bony and bristly. 

7. Century Egg 

Century Egg

Century egg or pidan is a delicacy by preserving duck, chicken or quail eggs in a mixture of clay, ash, salt, quicklime and rice hulls for several weeks to a few months. Some historians say that this practice goes back to the Ming dynasty as a way to preserve food without refrigeration. I've had this a few times. It's salty and the eggs have a potent ammonia taste to it. 

That's it for now. When I find more strange eats, I will post more here....Thanks for reading this blog. 

Thank you for buying my books!

Thank you Jeanine Austin for buying my entire book series and posting it on Instagram. You are an angel on earth. I am feeling so grateful. #SJHS #jestersisters rock! 

The Beijing Beauties - Definition of Happy Ending

"The Beijing Beauties" - Book 4

Just in time for Halloween - The Beijing Mummies

Just in time for Halloween - The Beijing Mummies. Frightful ancient mummies from China terrorizing the Wang family. Will they finally be put to rest? 

Just in Time for Halloween - The Beijing Ghosts

Just in time for Halloween. The Beijing Ghosts - ghouls from Peking China lurking in an old mansion that Kara, the realtor, is trying to sell. Will she be able to sell the home without losing her mind? 

My book series hit Barnes and Noble this week. Very exciting.

My book series hit Barnes and Noble this week. Very exciting. 

Just in time for Halloween! Frightful ghosts from Peking.

A good review is a precious gift. Feeling grateful.

The Beijing Family book series is published!

The Beijing Family book series is published!  Whooppeeee!!!!

Check it out on Amazon: 

The Beijing Family book series

Finish Line Ahead: The Beijing Family book series is being prepared for publication

Entire book series is with my copy illustrator who is packaging it for publication for both ebook and print formats. 

Beijing Youths - when hip hop meets martial arts

The Beijing Youths book is my version of hip hop meets martial arts in my second book of The Beijing Family book series.  It is blended into a heart-warming story about generation gaps, cultural norms, family disapproval and having friends that are different from our own upbringing can sometimes save us from ourselves.  

I was inspired to write The Beijing Youths when I saw televised martial arts performances in China where young people experimented with new kinds of martial arts that included hip hop dancing on China's Got Talent, talent shows and even street perfomances.   The young generation took an old historical art form and blended in modern creativity and rendered a new kind of entertainment never seen before and the audience loved it!  So often in life, we sometimes have to look away from the old and look to the new.  This is what gives life a new meaning. 

"China's Got Talent Season 2: Kung Fu Hip Hop Dance" 

In The Beijing Youths, young Greg is the Chinese billionaire’s son attending a privileged private high school in Beverly Hills.  He has been practicing in traditional martial arts for many years.  Soon, Greg is introduced to Eddie Baker who is a very talented and gifted street dancer. Eddie is Chinese by origin and was adopted by a White mid-west family in Wyoming at birth. Together, they form Revolution6 with four other dancers. As a team, they blend martial arts and street dancing into an impressive show of East West hip hop dancing that win many awards. Unfortunately, Simon, the Chinese billionaire father, greatly disapproves of Greg's friendship with Eddie, their dancing, Revolution6 and everything about hip hop altogether.  Besides riveting dance battles that entertain, the father and son conflict is the main “battle” in the book that eventually affects everyone. 

Step Up 2 Movie: Last Dance 

This girl is only 6 years old! She is killing it! Watch her perform

For the East West dance performances, I specifically chose Wu Shu for its more aerobatic and stage-like movements than the other martial art forms. Wu shu also uses weapons in a more theatrical fashion and their movements are more expressive and expansive.        

Best of Wu Shu

Beijing Wu Shu Team 2012

World Wu Shu Champion - Jade Xu.  She is badass lightning fast! 

Jet Li Wu Shu Competition 1978

The Real Housewives of Beijing

The Real Housewives of Beijing really do exist! So much that I included them in The Beijing Swag, the second book of The Beijing Family book series.   In that book, I created two new characters – Woo Tai Tai and Chloe Yang. 

Woo Tai Tai is a lonely housewife of a Chinese billionaire.   Tai Tai meaning 'wife' in Chinese Mandarin is sometimes the coveted title for a woman married to wealth.  

Woo Tai Tai 

Chloe Yang is her younger female friend whom wishes to be a Tai Tai someday.  Chloe hopes that she will soon harpoon a Chinese tycoon husband of her own before she turns 30.  In the meantime, Chloe is a mistress of a married billionaire business man who is a friend of  Woo Tai Tai’s husband.  Chloe is observant and on a mission.  She surrounds herself with Woo Tai Tai’s husband’s friends and connections in hopes that she will meet her future billionaire husband soon. 

Chloe Yang

I developed Woo Tai Tai and Chloe Yang from my own personal friends and family that fit these types of women.  Their stories in my books are inspired from real life personal situations and dramas.  All my life it seems like I've always been surrounded by these type of women.  My mother and her friends came from a generation that taught their young beautiful daughters that her identity and worth is based solely on the husband she can fetch.  A woman's marriage is everything to her and her education and career are not important.  Growing up, I was surrounded by these privileged "housewives" who were my mothers' friends and I played with their children.  For them, not working, shopping, gossiping and doing nothing all day is seen as a status symbol.  To me, that's a lazy person sponging off of someone else while wasting their own talents and abilities. They were taught to acquire an MRS degree from their mothers, grandmothers and generations before her.  I on the other hand, learned to obtain an MBA degree from Pepperdine University.  I never saw the point in defining myself through my spouse or husband when I have so many talents and abilities on my own.   Why in the heck would I sacrifice all my God-given talents to stand behind a short old greasy Chinese dude with a fake comb over, cigarette stained teeth and wreaking breath just because he has money?  I am not sure if that is my American upbringing because I was born ambitious, independent and driven.....and I'm damn proud of it! I would be this way even if I was in Nigeria or Pakistan, although it might mean risking my own life.  Even Ivanka Trump has a college degree and a career and her father is the Donald!  And I respect her more for it! 

As second generation Chinese Americans, we young women obtained degrees and financial independence.  However, there are still to this day many young Chinese women from Asia that subscribe to the old cultural fixation of being a housewife or a mistress as a living. They still brag about not working as if it's a status symbol.  Every now and then I would meet one whom has to ask permission from her husband to hang out with her girlfriends and money to buy food and entertainment......and it's 2014! Some came from poverty and lacked the financial means for an education and wealthy men is their one way ticket out of poverty.  Some lack positive role models to encourage her own independence and don't know any better.  She just follows what her mother, aunts and grandmothers did for a living.  Even more painful is when a strong and educated woman is told by society that she's too "masculine, tough or not wife material"!  So I’ve interacted with enough of these housewives types of women in my own personal and work life that it was easy to create and develop these two characters and their daily lives.  They are not much different from the women of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Miami, Atlanta, New York, New Jersey, Orange County and its television franchise.  

However, they just happen to derive from Beijing with the same variety of bling, designer fashions, jewelry, drama and cat fights.   To keep it true to the Beijing reality of housewives, I included a mistress which is usually not a character in the American television franchise although I’m sure they exist in their social networks in real life.  Mistresses are so common in the social networks of Chinese billionaires that it is only befitting that I included one. 

In The Beijing Swag, Woo Tai Tai purchases a huge emerald and diamond ring 

In The Beijing Swag, I included a chapter titled, "Christian", where Woo Tai Tai meets a tall, model-handsome, blonde and bronzey Christian.  He is a struggling actor working as a bartender in the famous 5 star Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills. 

"Christian" chapter in The Beijing Swag takes place at the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills

5 Star Luxury

Roof top pool

Roof top cabana

*This is my own photo - I am standing at the roof top pool on a sunny day 

Roof top restaurant where most of the events occur in the book

*This is my own photo - I am standing at the rooftop restaurant balcony overlooking a beautiful view of Beverly Hills, Bel Air and Hollywood Hills

Christian seduces Woo Tai Tai with his irresistable charm in hopes of securing a friendship with material benefits. He is not shy or bashful in reaching out to women with financial means to help him along.  Seeing the married Woo Tai Tai in all her dazzling jewelry, he suggests a secret tryst and the chapter is filled with intrigue and comedy.  I was thinking of the actor Jason Lewis who played Jerrod in 'Sex and the City' when I wrote a whole chapter about Christian and his siren ways.

Written by Gina Tang, author of The Beijing Family book series, www.thebeijingfamily.blogspot.com 

The term - ‘The Real Housewives of Beijing’ is copyrighted and is currently explored into an option for a possible television film series.  I am planning on writing more spicy and dramatic stories about Woo Tai Tai, Chloe Yang and The Real Housewives of Beijing in future book releases.